The sexual statistics don’t lie. With only 25% of women experiencing orgasm through vaginal sex, 20% seldom having orgasms, and 5% never having an orgasm at all, it’s about time for a sexual revolution. There are various factors that affect your ability to orgasm, which is why it’s important to take a deeper dive on what’s holding you back.
Having a healthy and enjoyable sex life is possible for everyone. It’ll require a little soul-searching and analysis to see what exactly is keeping you from embracing your sexuality. Here are some of the most common factors that inhibit sexual drive and what you can do about it:
Too Much Alcohol
We all know that too many drinks can impair our decision making, however, why is it holding us back from enjoying those decisions? Alcohol is a dehydrating diuretic, which can reduce your vagina’s ability to produce lubrication. A dry vagina makes for a rough (and not in the good way) sexual experience. Additionally, intoxication can disrupt your central nervous system, making it difficult to be as sensitive as you’d like to be down there.
Solution: Drink more water before engaging in sex to counteract alcohol’s dehydrating effects on your vagina (and that hangover). Additionally, try using a lubricant to help reduce any unwanted friction from vaginal dryness.
Unfamiliarity With Your Body
One of the biggest things holding you back can be your lack of familiarity with your own body. Figuring out what you do and don’t like in the bedroom is important to improve your overall sexual experiences. Everyone’s body is different and by doing a little exploring, you may find out new things you never even imagined.
Solution: Take some time to explore your body. You can do this in various ways, either alone or with a partner. Reading a racy novel, watching porn, or using a sex toy can all allow you to experience and understand your body in new and exciting ways.
Lack of Excitement
A decreased sexual desire is more common than you may think, but multiple factors play a part. Your sex drive is a part of a larger web, made up of your lifestyle changes, medications, and personal relationships. If you notice that you rarely desire or think about sex , it’s important to take a look at what’s going on in your life that may be contributing to this.
Solution: If you’re unsure where to start, it could be beneficial to seek guidance from a sex therapist. These professionals provide a safe space for you to evaluate your sex life and work towards solutions specifically meant for you. If you’ve reached a point where you feel you’ve exhausted all options, talk to a doctor as they may be able to prescribe you female libido enhancers that help you reclaim your sex drive. Your lack of excitement does not have to last forever.
Painful Sex
Sometimes, sex can be downright painful, but it shouldn’t be. There are various reasons you may be experiencing painful sex, which is why it’s important to listen to your body. First, note if this is a recurring issue or if it’s just happened a few times. If it’s only occurred sporadically, it’s likely due to a lack of lubricant or a position that just isn’t right for your anatomy. However, if you feel pain every time or most times you have sex, it’s important to speak to your doctor about it. Conditions such as PCOS, endometriosis, vaginal infections, cysts, or postpartum changes can all be contributors.
Solution: If this only happens once in a while, it’s likely something you or your partner can change immediately once you figure out the cause. However, for consistent reoccurrences of painful sex, it’s important to schedule an appointment with your gynecologist. Depending on the cause, your doctor may suggest one of many solutions for painful sex such as hormone therapy, pelvic physical therapy, or medication.
Relationship Troubles
Being in a relationship that doesn’t make you feel safe and free to explore your sexuality is one you should reconsider immediately. Sex is one of the most intimate acts you can partake in. Being with a partner who doesn’t nurture that intimacy and make it a mutually-beneficial experience will hold you back from exploring your sexuality. Additionally, your relationship with yourself may be holding you back if you struggle with self-love and self-compassion.
Solution: The solutions here will vary depending on the condition of your current relationship. If it’s troubles with your partner, it’s crucial to practice open communication with them and evaluate if this is someone you’d like to stay with or not. You may even benefit from seeking couple’s therapy if it’s a relationship you want to work on. On the other hand, if it’s your relationship with yourself, practicing self-love should become one of your main focuses.
Orgasm Anxiety
Ever wonder why it’s far easier to orgasm during masturbation than it is during sex? In general, women can take longer to orgasm in the bedroom, sparking concern about the time and lengths it takes for them to get there. You may worry that you’re “taking too long” or that you need more effort from your partner to get you there. While your mind is thinking about the time it’s taking, you’re restricting yourself from experiencing the orgasm altogether. Orgasming requires you to turn off your brain and allow yourself to succumb to the experience.
Solution: Break that pleasure ceiling and stop looking at the clock. Sex can take as long as you’d like so you can reach an orgasm (or multiple). Focus on the pleasure, or lack thereof, and find an enjoyable rhythm that works for you. Practice mindfulness during sex so that you’re solely focusing on how you feel, rather than how long it’s taking. Before you know it, your brain will have lost track of time and you’ll slowly start to diminish that orgasm anxiety.
