There is always room for improvement when it comes to communicating with your partner about sex. Even seemingly perfect couples can struggle to communicate at times - especially when something as vulnerable as sexual fantasies are the topic of discussion.
The good news is that there are some simple steps you can take to make the conversation flow smoothly between you and your loved one. Whether you consider yourself to be shy or bold, you can learn how to communicate more freely about sexual fantasies by following the eight tips below.
1) Choose your timing wisely
Good timing can make a world of difference when talking to your partner about your sexual fantasies. For instance, revealing your fantasies while your partner is not feeling well or studying for the CPA exam the next morning is generally not a good idea. Your partner will likely be distracted and unable to fully focus on you and your desires. Here are some tips to choose your timing wisely:
- Try to select a time that you and your partner are alone so you can fully focus on each other
- Try to choose a time when your partner is not preoccupied with work or school activities
- Try to select a time after your daily obligations have been completed so your conversation is not rushed
If you are having a hard time finding time to talk to your partner, schedule a quiet evening when you are free of distractions and stressors. If your discussions go well, you might even find yourself acting out your fantasies with your partner right after you reveal them. So make sure you are prepared with any special toys, clothing, or props that are part of your special fantasy!
2) Personalize your fantasy descriptions to include your partner
If your goal is to entice your partner to act out your fantasies with you, then it is a good idea to make sure you know your fantasies involve your partner as opposed to just anyone. You can do this by making sure to reference your partner when talking to him or her. Here are a few examples:
- Impersonal: "I am having fantasies about experimenting with sex toys."
- Personal: "I would love for you and I to experiment with wearable vibrators together."
And here is another:
- Impersonal: "I have always fantasized about having sex on a plane."
- Personal: "One thing I have always fantasized about us doing together is having sex on a plane."
By using words and phrases like "you and I," "together," and "us," you show your partner that they are an important part of your life - even when it comes to acting out fantasies.
3) Minimize distractions
If you are a shy person, it can be hard enough to express your innermost desires without worrying about having to repeat yourself due to a distraction or interruption. A distraction is anything that can derail your efforts to tell your partner about your fantasies. Distractions can occur in the form of people, noise, technology, visual interference, and stress. Here are some specific suggestions to help you minimize distractions as you talk to your lover:
- Turn off the television and any video games
- If music helps you feel less nervous, play some music. But turn the volume down so it does not interfere with your conversation.
- Make sure that children and pets are safe, fed, and occupied to avoid interruption
- Put cell phones and other electronic devices on silent mode and leave them in another room
- Choose a private location in your home or other space where you are comfortable
4) Go for a short walk before you talk!
"Another way to amp up your walk is to go to expansive places that bring on a sense of awe. Our oxytocin levels increase when we're in expansive places...Oxytocin is the love connection hormone. I think that is part of the reason we want to share our photos of nature: because we want to use them to connect with others."
- Emma Loewe, Mind Body Green Health
If you are shy or nervous about talking to your partner, you can help calm your nerves by taking a short walk. Studies show that a walk can help reduce anxiety. And with your anxiety lowered, you will be in a better state of mind to talk to your partner. A short 20-minute walk is all you need to lower anxiety levels. Best of all, the physical activity will help contribute to your physical health and your overall well-being.
5) Use visual aids if you have trouble expressing yourself
Did you see an intriguing new sexual position in a movie that you would like to try? Or did you run across an online advertisement for a body-adapting vibrator? If you are not sure of the name of the position, there are many ways that you can convey your desires to your partner. If you are on the shy side, you can suggest watching the movie together with your partner. Then when the sex scene showing the new position unfolds, you can casually ask your partner, "Wow, I wonder if we could do that together?"
There are other good ways to communicate your fantasies to your partner. For instance, using the example above, you can draw a picture of the sexual position and keep it on hand to show your partner when you sit down to talk. You can also use video clips of the latest Mystery Vibe sex toys in action or excerpts from books to help your partner understand what you are visualizing.
6) Remember your partner's fears and sensitivities
While it is important to be open when sharing your fantasies, it is equally important to keep your partner's fears and insecurities in mind. Failure to consider these feelings can compromise the health of your relationship and leave your partner feeling worried and vulnerable - exactly what you don't want to occur. Before you start describing all of your fantasies in detail, think about your partner and their feelings. Here are some examples to consider:
- If your partner has claustrophobia or a fear of flying, you may not want to suggest living out your fantasy of sex in an airplane lavatory
- If your sweetie is terrified of the dark, asking your partner to live out your fantasy of sex in an underground cave could evoke fear
- If your loved one hates fruity flavors, consider suggesting a vanilla-flavored massage cream instead of a strawberry one
- If your partner was the victim of infidelity in the past, you may wish to discuss your fantasies that do NOT involve another man or woman
7) Make it easy for you and your partner to live out your fantasies!
Now that you have shared your deepest desires and fantasies with your partner, the next step is to live them out! If your partner is fully on board, then you can dive into the process together. Or, if your partner is receptive but a bit hesitant, you may want to use a more gradual process. For instance, if you revealed your fantasy of trying out the latest state of the art male and female vibrators together in front of a mirror, you could follow these short steps:
- Step One: Go shopping with your partner for a beautiful new mirror to hang in your bedroom
- Step Two: Research the latest vibrators for women and treat yourself to a new toy. A body adapting vibrator is a great choice!
- Step Three: Explore the newest vibrator options for men and choose a wearable model for men that will heighten pleasure
- Step Four: Once you and your partner are comfortable with your new toys, plan a special evening to live out your fantasy!
8) Keep the channels of communication open no matter where you are
Sharing your deepest fantasies is a process that should not occur in a vacuum. Ideally, you and your partner will now feel more comfortable discussing your desires moving forward. The first step in keeping the channels of communication open is to tell your partner how much it means to you to be able to share your innermost desires with them.
Next, tell your partner that you hope they feel just as comfortable sharing their fantasies with you. Let your partner know how important open communication is for your sexual health but also to maintain the health of your relationship in general. You can take the lead by keeping your communications strong even when you are on a long-distance trip or away from your partner. The sexual communication experts with MysteryVibe describe how you can use the internet to keep the channels of communication open even when you and your partner are many miles apart:
"The rise in 24/7 access to internet and widely available video chat features means couples can be thousands of miles apart and yet feel as though they are in the same room. Having access to a constant form of communication means couples can maintain the level of contact and openness needed to nurture their long-distance relationship." - MysteryVibe
Now that you have committed to keeping the communication channels open, do not let off the gas! Now that you and your partner have made it past the initial challenge of opening up to each other, you can share your innermost desires regularly and freely!
What is the single best way to boost communication with your partner?
As shown above, there are many steps you can take to make it easier to talk to your partner about your fantasies. However, the most effective way to enhance sexual communication between you and your partner is to seek the guidance of an industry expert.
We invite you to contact us at MysteryVibe to discover why we are the nation's most trusted provider of sexual health products. We look forward to providing you with the tools and guidance that can help you and your partner maximize your sexual chemistry!