Dating advice: A Chat With International Dating Expert, Hayley QuinnLast updated March 19, 2018
What is your idea / project and how did you come up with it?
I founded www.hayleyquinn.com where I give ethical, female friendly dating advice. I host live training events to teach people how they can meet more people in real life, and have a community called the HQ Club where I give practical advice & host cool events to inspire people towards their dating goals.
I was inspired by years of working in the men’s dating industry (coaching thousands of men how to get better with women) to create a solution that a. helped men get better with women, but with advice that was non-creepy and authentic b. helped women learn practical dating skills rather than waiting for their prince to come.
How are you different?
Strangely nearly all dating experts work with one gender only. I am proud to work with both men and women and with people of different sexual orientations. For men’s dating my ‘ethical’ approach makes me different – I emphasise empathy and understanding her first. For women I try to break the traditionally ‘passive’ female stereotype and let women know it is okay to both state & go after what you want.
How long did it take you to be where you are now?
I started out as a ghost writer in the self help industry 7 years ago! 6 years ago I started coaching, 3 years ago I founded my website and company.
Tell us more about your team
As all entrepreneurs know there’s a limit on what you can achieve and would be nothing without the support of my team. I now have fantastic coaches who help me to deliver even more live training events (this means that my Club members get practical experience learning to meet more people in real life.) I also have great tech support, designers, editors and office support who are invaluable to keeping my bringing out great events and cool videos for YouTube!
How do you think the sextech/dating industry has evolved?
The dating industry has evolved in a couple of really interesting ways. For one apps are getting better at mimicking real life interactions (but still have a long way to go!) by syncing with other apps on your phone to provide information and using things like video messaging to give a better impression of what people are like. I also teach real life skills but a lot of my customers are international and so learn them online using my forum, Hayley’s vault of training programs and webinar cocktail hours!
How does it feel being a female founder in your industry?
Awesome! I spend a lot of time thinking about the barriers that exist to women dating as equals, being sex positive and (of course) crushing through their workplace goals. I would love to see more participation, more noise and more exciting ideas coming from women lead industries.
What are your biggest achievements to date?
On a big scale my TEDx talk was epic I think I blanked the whole thing I was so nervous but I was happy to deliver a message that kept it real! I am also really proud to be giving affordable, important advice to my club members so they have a plan of action.
What are your long term plans?
I’m in the marathon of getting my first book published: it will be giving a feminist answer to dating and love problems for women. That’s my dream, after that I’d like to write a fiction book or two.
What is the best piece of advice you could give anyone looking for love/someone?
Look for yourself first. I know it’s a cliche but your self esteem, your self awareness, and how strong you feel on your life path is where the good stuff is. A great partner (or partners) will always just be a bi-product of that. So make sure you discover ways to enjoy being single and having fun in the process.
How do you think being open about pleasure and sex toys can improve dating / relationships?
Being open helps intimacy of all kinds. When you are unable to articulate what you want or keep secrets from your partner it’s a block to trust, and also physically being able to let go. Partnerships (at least healthy ones!) are about listening and communicating.
Feeling like someone can hear your desires, respond to them and accept you has a huge psychological benefit to intimacy. Talking about what turns you on (and using sex toys) aren’t just about vibrations they’re about heightening 360 degree pleasure in a relationship.
Do you have any advice for someone (of any gender) wanting to introducing sex toys into their relationship?
First of all recognise what you want and accept it; but also give your partner permission to not feel exactly the same way as you do. Next you want to depressurise the conversation. Avoid ‘I have something to tell you…’ statements in favour of casually bringing it up, a good time could be with the help of an article or prompted by something you’re watching on TV. Instead of making your suggestion a demand keep it open ended and invite discussion instead, ‘I’ve always been curious about XXX – I don’t know about you but I’d be open to trying…’ Then listen to their response.
Some people may need reassurance that this will help to heighten what you’ve already got and isn’t some ‘rise of the robots’ way of replacing them. So go steady, introduce ideas slowly and show that you appreciate them giving you space to explore.
How should people get in touch with you?
If women would like to learn how they can approach the guys they like instead of waiting for him to say hello then head to www.hayleyquinn.com/reallife. For men who’d like to know how to get better at approaching the women they like in real life go to www.hayleyquinn.com/approach