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10 Tips On How To Have the “Perfect” Threesome

Last updated November 30, 2018
10 Threesome Tips

So you want to have a threesome? Well, here’s the cold hard truth: a “perfect” threesome does not come easy. They can be difficult to organise, messy (think more tongues, more genitals, more fluids) and they can arouse some seriously complicated emotions.

Yet, with these 10 threesome tips, you may increase your chances of having a pretty thrilling three-way.

If you are still undecided on whether to go ahead with your ménage à trois, first check out our article on the psychology of desiring threesomes & whether you should have one!

#1 Decide Which Type of Threesome You Want

Just as you would plan a meal, it is important to first decide what you would like to eat and which ingredients you want to put in it. First fantasise about which type of threesome you would most desire.

To make things easier, here are 5 potential threesomes dynamics you can choose from:

  1. All male (MMM)
  2. Two male one female (MMF)
  3. One male two female (MFF)
  4. All female (FFF)
  5. Gender-fluid threesome (GFT)

However, no matter what gender dynamic you choose to pursue, Dan Savage reminds us of the most important three-letter-acronym:

“Good, giving and game – GGG” (See Tip 4 on consent).

To see what tantalises your tastebuds, maybe watch some threesome porn. We recommend FrolicMe’s threesome section to get started.

Ask yourself some questions: Do you want to be dominated? Do you want to explore a different side of your sexuality? Are you single looking for a couple, or a couple looking for a single? These will help to determine which type of threesome you can then begin to pursue.

#2 Bringing It Up With a Partner (For Couples)

If it it something you want to explore with a partner, it is important to approach this topic sensitively. The issue here could lead to feelings of rejection.

Relationship therapist Colin Richards explains that it is so important to explore the desire behind your fetishes before addressing them to a partner to avoid any hurt. Looking into the psychology can help you and your partner explore this fantasy further. Find out where your sexual fantasies might come from here.

If you find a blockage in communicating your sexual desires, we offer some great advice in our Sexy Show and Tell article on how to ask for what you want in bed. One of our favourites is to start the conversation with:

“I had a dream we did this…”

This can open up a conversation and you can gauge their reaction before proposing it as a real desire to act out. Most likely, they will be keen to try and fulfil your sexual desires. If not with a threesome, perhaps in other ways. You can always spend time fantasising about it together.

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#3 Arrange Your Threesome

Spontaneity

Like most sexual encounters, spontaneity is usually the most exciting and successful way to have sex. If you find yourself lucky enough with two others “good, giving and game” then skip straight to Tip 4.

When it comes to threesomes, those spontaneous moments may be less likely to happen, simply as there are more people involved. So here are few other ideas for organising a threesome.

Friendships

If you are considering having a threesome with friends, be cautiously aware that this can get messy. You will most likely have to see each other again, and depending on how close you are, you may not look at them the same way. Boundaries could be crossed. So be warned.

Alternatively, it could be fantastic. If you all know each other relatively well, there would be a level of respect and understanding. The chemistry could be perfect. Begin with a game of spin the bottle – which of course may sound childish and strange with just three people – but hey it will get you all kissing pretty quickly.

Dating apps

In this day and age, online is a great place to find at least one person up for some fun. Joint tinder accounts for couples are so popular that a copycat company developed Thrinder specifically for threesome hookups. Either sign up as a single looking for couples or other singles. Or as a couple looking for singles. They have since changed their name to Feeld after the lawsuit by Tinder.

Sex parties

Killing Kittens is a play party designed for exploring your sexual self. It was originally set up for mixed-gendered adventurous couples and bisexual or bi-curious women wanting to push their boundaries. However, they have recently been doing a host of all female events. Read our review on their first “girl-only” play party where our guest writer voyeured many FFF threesomes & more.

Sex clubs

In the darkest corners of Torture Garden you will find spit roasts galore! Perfect for an MFM threeway fantasy to be fulfilled. Read more about what to expect inside London most notorious fetish night. The beauty of these spaces is the level of consent and general safety (see Tips 4 & 5).

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Festivals

Explore the Orgy Dome at Burning Man… need we say any more? It may be difficult not to have a threesome (& then-some) with 500 people at it under one tent.

Hire a professional third

Richards, highly recommends that couples should hire a professional when introducing a third into their sex life. Keeping it within a business transaction, you know that the right motivations are there. An escort, or even erotic masseuse (such as Ebony & Ivory), will understand the complicated dynamics of a threesome and be especially sensitive to the emotions.

When bring a non-professional into a romantically involved couple dynamic, they may be unaware of how to treat the couple individually. This could trigger negative emotions. However, a professional can manage these. There is a mutual agreement that when the professional leaves, the threesome is over.

Dr Ryan Scoats found that the biggest assumption for couples is that having a threesome will ruin their relationship. Many fears lie in the continuation of sexual or even emotional contact with two people without the other’s consent.

#4 Get Consent

Speaking of consent. Getting the consent of every person involved is a high priority. Nobody should feel coerced into doing something sexually that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Pleasure expert and host of Pleasure Island Parties, Jessica Parker, says:

“Threesomes can be hard work if intentions aren’t clear. Consent and being clear on what your boundaries are from the beginning is super sexy and really helpful when things get hot.”

A safe word should be agreed upon before sex is initiated. Give everyone the opportunity to end the threesome or even just take a break to check in with themselves.

Additionally, if you are a couple and you have found someone you want to invite into your bed, make sure that person is totally agreeing to it. Do not continue to perve on them if they haven’t.

Within the kink community, consent is defined as an enthusiastic yes and not the absence of a no!

#5 Safety First

Just as you would with a new partner, condoms should be worn and dental dams used to protect from STIs. Ensure you are putting on new protection when changing positions and partners around.

If toys are being shared, wash them in between using them on different people. See Tip 7 for our favourite threesomes positions with our vibrators Crescendo and Tenuto.

#6 Make Space

You might want to set up on the floor. Include chairs, footstools, or for the super prepared some Liberator sex furniture, into the mix. If at a party, avoid places you can get walked in on and interrupted…Unless you’re hoping for a bigger group scenario to take place.

“My biggest complaint is the bed wasn’t big enough!” – anon

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Make sure you have enough space to at least hold the three of you comfortably. Think about the different positions you may want to try (see Tip 7).

Make it threesome friendly! Here, Parker’s expertise in threesome dynamics come in handy:

“Feeling like a third wheel or being left out whilst the other two are getting it on can suck, be mindful that a threesome is so much more fun when you come up with creative ways to all be included and attended to!” – anon

#7 The Best Threesome Positions

Triangulate the erotic energy through the three of you. Incorporate vibrators Crescendo and/or Tenuto into the mix with our favourite sumptuous three-way positions:

10 Tips On How To Have the “Perfect” Threesome The SeeSaw

The Seesaw with Crescendo

10 Tips On How To Have the “Perfect” Threesome Conga Line

Conga Vibes with Tenuto

10 Tips On How To Have the “Perfect” Threesome Leaf Blower

Shuddering Snowplough with Tenuto

For more creative ways you can play with a vibrator, download our MysteryPlaybook.

What might arise during your threesome is feelings of being overwhelmed. There will be an extra pair of hands. Extra genitalia. You will be multitasking your hands and orifices, so mentally prepare yourself for some potentially awkward but fun-filled rearrangements.

#8 Dealing with Difficult Emotions

These dynamics can ignite jealousy and bring up insecurities we didn’t even know we had. In the heat of the moment, when you or another feels uncomfortable, a decision needs to be made.

Either: accept those negative thoughts and feelings as just thoughts and feelings. Bring yourself back to the present and ask whether you want to continue. Or address those thoughts and feelings and end it there before it goes any further.

Remember your safe word (Tip 4). As everyone will have consented to this threesome, everyone should stop when one person withdraws their consent.

“A bad threesome was when I was invited by a couple who had fantasized about me joining them then the girl started to feel insecure so I ended up giving her a therapy session of sorts and left them having sex!” – anon

Communication is key. Respect is fundamental. Post-sex chat is likely considering emotions that may arise…but not obligatory. Your role is not a therapist, but do be sensitive to each other’s feelings.

“Me and my partner had a few lovely kink focused ones, although we definitely had to find our feet and have lots of communication before/during/after.” – anon

#9 Unicorn Advice

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The term “unicorn” is a controversial one. It equates a bisexual (usually female) interested in heterosexual couples for threesome dynamics to the mythical creature. Author of sex educational book Faking It, Lux Alptraum explains:

“A unicorn is a creature who’ll bring all the sexy fun without creating any drama, baggage, or need for emotional work—and the reason she’s called a unicorn is because, quite frankly, she doesn’t exist.”

When looking for a threesome it is important to be aware of the fetishisation of bisexual women. While there are people who are interested in this type of threesome – it is the presumption that all queer women are “unicorns”. Unfortunately, “unicorn hunters”…

“…reduce bisexuality to a party trick, and bisexual women to baubles that exist solely to entertain and excite straight [people].”

Be conscious of bisexual fetishisation. Bisexual people are no more likely to want to participate in group sex than a person of any other sexual orientation. So treat them as such.

#10 What Not To Do When Planning a Threesome

Do not:

Act like a pornstar

Laura Bell at Vice interviewed a couple who struggled with this when they began introducing thirds into their sex life.

Roxy says the first time they brought in another woman, Rob was “performing this weird macho routine” in the bedroom. “It was unsettling,” she told me.
“Look I’d only seen threesomes in porn, I thought that’s what I had to do!” Rob interrupted.

Get FOMO

Getting the fear of missing out is not sexy. If you need to take a break, grab a drink, go to the loo, it may feel as though you are missing out. Avoid being shocked to find the fun continuing while you were gone, and fear you missed out, when re-entering the sexual dynamic.

When you are ready to join in again they will welcome you in. That is what a threesome is about. If they don’t…then it’s likely you weren’t wanted to begin with.

Be “too couply”

While it is totally encouraged to be open which each other, couples should be cautious of their relationship making the third feel uncomfortable. Save some of the uninviting intimacy for your twosome times.

“They were too “couply” on the date which didn’t leave a lot of room for the build up and just didn’t make the whole experience enjoyable from my end.” – anon

Disconnect emotionally

There needs to be an understanding that emotions do and will probably come into play within this sexual dynamic.

While shutting off feelings might seem like the best way to avoid any jealousy or discomfort, it is likely those feelings will arise in hindsight anyway – so address them in the moment calmly and honestly. 

Be possessive

It is a threesome you have signed up to. Just don’t do it if you’re not game for sharing pleasure (revisit Tip 8)

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Now you are prepared…try not to overthink or overplan it, and enjoy the tricycle ride if it comes your way!

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